The Solitude of Strength.

A few developments today–

I woke early, knowing something would shift–

I walked home from my sisters place in Surry Hills, taking a different route– down obscure lane ways, noticing things, it was early, it was light– the city smelt of Tokyo at the end of winter. I stopped on my way home and picked up a coffee. I sipped it slowly roaming the streets– feeling almost good about recent developments.

Or confirmations I should say, I knew what was unfolding– I just don’t understand why anyone promises something they can’t deliver. I really don’t understand that one. Why not just say something else?

Anyway.

I return to my empty, messy apartment and decide to dance.

I dance until it’s time to leave– I grab my mat, my towel, my lycra, and saunter up Crown Street for the 26th of 30 Bikram yoga classes in 30 days.

A lot transpires…

1. Pranayama: Standing Deep Breathing.

2. Ardha-Chandrasana: Half Moon Pose.

3. Pada-Hasthasana: Hands to Feet.

4. Utkatasana: Awkward Pose.

5. Dandayamana-Janushirasana: Standing Head to Knee Pose.

6. Dandayamana-Dhanurasana: Standing Bow Pulling Pose.

7. Tuladandasana: Balancing Stick Pose.

8. Dandayamana-Bibhaktapada-Paschimotthanasana: Standing Separate Leg Stretching Pose.

9. Trikanasana: Triangle Pose.

10. Dandayamana-Bibhaktapada-Janushirasana: Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee Pose.

11. Tadasana: Tree Pose.

12. Padangustasana: Toe Stand Pose.

13. Savasana: Dead Body Pose.

14. Pavanamuktasana: Wind Removing Pose).

15. Sit-up:

16. Bhujangasana: Cobra Pose.

17. Salabhasana: Locust Pose.

In fact, I will go in to all of this later. Not now. Not now.

[18. Poorna-Salabhasana (Full Locust Pose)

19. Dhanurasana (Bow Pose)

20. Supta-Vajrasana (Fixed Firm Pose)

21. Ardha-Kurmasana (Half Tortoise Pose)

22. Ustrasana (Camel Pose)

23. Sasangasana (Rabbit Pose)

24. Janushirasana with Paschimotthanasana (Head to Knee Pose)

25. Ardha-Matsyendrasana (Spine Twisting Pose)

26. Khapalbhati (Blowing in Firm Pose)]

I write this piece in stages throughout the course of the day. I don’t always feel like sharing. And I certainly don’t always feel like writing. But I also know that on the other side of wanting– and not wanting– lies the exactly the same thing– a habit.

As the sunrise crept in and under my eyelashes this morning I woke with the greatest, softest sense of gratitude. My entire body, my entire mind has never ever been opened so wide–

I bought myself a new leotard to celebrate the occasion.

I’d been eying this piece of for months– I’ve been well impressed by Oscar Mimosa as a label– and just as delighted to have so many random conversations in the nudey rudey change rooms with Sarah– whom I had no idea, was the designer.

I look a wee bit different in this particular number to the model you see before you– but that’s hardly the point– I had a big fat breakthrough today in class. A lovely one. I found myself floating in and out of every posture like a thoughtless little bird– Flittering and struggling but always up in the air– always.

I’ll write more about how and why over the coming days. But in the interim– I didn’t just happen upon a different path home this morning– I chose it deliberately.

It comes as a curious development– to learn– today– that I began something with someone four months ago the day I finished my very first Bikram yoga challenge.

What lead me to that challenge was entirely irrelevant by the time I’d completed it. It didn’t matter.

And today, well I’m nearly there. It finishes Tuesday. I’ve four classes remaining. I feel good. Strong. Sober. Tall.

Plus it’s nearly over.

Plus imagine how many looming projects I can tidy up and polish off in the absence of any other kind of distraction.

Plus, you know, I have this brand spanking new leotard.

Which sits a bit differently on me– naturally– but that’s hardly the point.

It’s cute.
And it’s mine.
And I’ve earned it.

That’s enough–

x.

namaste–

x.

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